I am a fan of watching pick-up basketball games.

I like all of the unspoken rules, formalities, and nuances.

I like that when you show up at the court, out of respect, you need to ask around for who’s got next.  I like the way good players are picked up for the next team right when they show up and so-so players have to ask the person who has next the magic question: “You got five?”  Which is usually followed by, “Can I run with you?”  Now if the person who has next is gracious, they’ll usually accept the so-so player.  But even if the person who has next doesn’t want to pick-up the so-so player, they usually don’t reject the so-so player flat out.  They’ll say that they already have five.  Even if they are clearly the only person on the court who isn’t currently playing.  It’s the equivalent of letting someone down gently by saying, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  It’s a clear rejection, but a minimal salvaging of pride.  I like crowded basketball courts when teams can be two down or even three down.

I like the way strangers can sometimes have spontaneous team chemistry on the court.  I like the way guys point to each other after a good assist while jogging back on defense.  This is the male equivalent of a female telling her friend that she has cute shoes or a cute handbag.  This says, “Yeah I just made an awesome shot, but only thanks to my new buddy on the court.”  The best is when the other person points back as if to say,  “No, no, you made a good shot.  You deserve credit.”  So generous.  The butt slap is the upgrade of this.

I like the match-ups.  I love how there’s usually a big, slower guy on both teams.  And a really short guy who inevitably runs point for the team.  Why do short guys usually have good handles?  Is it because they know their chance of being blocked is really high so they focus on their handles?  Most people say that basketball players are the tallest people.  But I would venture to say that you can also find the shortest people on basketball courts.  Usually if you’re short, there’s another short guy that you can play against.

I like the way fouls are called.  I like the way there are no free-throws and there’s just a redo of the play.  The All-Star game should be like this to keep the game fast.  I like the way it’s usually up to the offensive player whether there was a bonafide foul or not.  I like the way guys say “stay” after a rough foul.  I like it when people don’t agree on whether there was a foul and a mini judge and jury takes place.  Some players argue, some players shoot around, but somehow, there’s always a conclusion.  Or a fight.  I also like how sometimes after a few possessions, there will be a disagreement about the score.  Then there’s a quick count of the different baskets and who made what.

I like the way egos are flaunted and paraded on the court.  I like it when the cockiest guy on the court gets blocked into silence.  I like the way the new guy will continuously jack up shots whenever he gets a rebound because he doesn’t think anyone will ever pass the ball to him.  I like it when guys with bad handles get ripped until they stop dribbling altogether.  I like it when a guy accidentally banks a three and the smiles everyone has on their faces when that happens.

I like it when the underdogs win out of sheer team work.  I also like scrub-only games where for that short game, some nonathletic person receives glory for his double-pump reverse layup that magically bounces around and goes in.  Pick-up basketball is accessible for everyone.  It’s like digital photography.  Anyone can accidentally make a good shot.

I like that the winner stays on.  I like when a team wins 5 or 6 games straight and they are doggedly tired but they are too giddy with victory to stop.

I like seeing the basketball outfits.  I like looking at nice basketball shoes.  This is largely due to my shoe-crazy high school friends who introduced me to kicksology.com and other related nonsense.  I like it when a guy matches the color of his shoes and his shorts.  It’s adorable.

I like watching people I know play pick-up basketball.  I like learning new things about their work ethic, their temper, their humor and their teamwork.  I watched the husband play a game the other day at 24 Hour Fitness and he passed the ball to a teammate behind his back.  The husband makes behind the back passes?  Who knew?  I like the way we’ll be out at a restaurant or bar in Houston and some random guy will come over to our table to say hey and shake the husband’s hand.  Who are these people?  It reminds me of the scene in Fight Club when the waiter nods his head in recognition to Edward Norton.  Pick-up basketball is like some sort of sub-culture in and of itself.

I like the way guys act different when girls are watching.  They are ten times more likely to be ball hogs.  The other day a guy (who was one of the better ones on the court) came up to me not knowing that I watch pick-up games on a regular basis and said, “Hey, your boyfriend’s good.”  I know he thought he was trying to help a brother out.  I don’t wear my wedding and engagement rings to the gym so he didn’t know it was really my husband.  And that I wasn’t there to be impressed.  So I shook my head to say that the husband’s not that good (I got chewed out for this later by the husband) and he said, “No, he really is!  He just has knee problems, but he’s good.”  Haha, you’ve got to love the on-court brotherhood.  I don’t think the husband even knows this guy’s name.

I like the way basketball makes you fearless.  I remember we were at some outdoor court and some guys (who were significantly bigger than the husband and his friends) drove up and challenged them to a game.  The husband and his friends were beating the challengers pretty badly and a guy called “carry” out of what I can only guess was frustration.  The husband ridiculed the guy by saying that no one calls carry in streetball.  My eyes widened.  I don’t think the husband could have fought this guy.  I thought it was a reckless remark.  Them’s fightin’ words, I told him. He thought nothing of it.  Basketball makes you this way.  Fearless, and maybe a little stupid.

Now I know I’ve used masculine pronouns throughout this entire post.  There’s a reason.  For the record I’ve played coed pickup games before in college but ONLY WHEN THERE WERE GIRLS FOR ME TO GUARD.  Or if there was a skinny Asian scrub that had smaller biceps than me.  I like playing basketball but I’m very realistic about my abilities.   I think it’s really lousy when girls insist on playing in men’s games and it changes the entire dynamic of the game. I hate when the girl is passed the ball and all of the the guys are tentative about guarding the girls.  It’s a mess.  This has nothing to do with sexism or whatever.  It has to do with skill level.  If a girl can hang, then that’s a different story.  For the same reasons, scrubs should stick to scrub courts and not try to hang with the ballers.

Pick-up basketball is great, ain’t it?